Biggest Mistake

It’s been more than 4 months since I was off from all social media. I obviously have missed a lot of update news from the others since my last active around the end of July. Thankfully now I can use it again now as usual. If you wonder what happened to me during this hiatus, I’ll tell you soon everything from the beginning till the end through this post.

So… all I could say that June to July 2020 was the lowest point of my life. I made a very stupid mistake that nearly destroyed my business, finances, and relationships with friends and family. It may sound like exposing my own disgrace, but well, it doesn't matter anyway. I just wanna share this so that it can be a lesson for others not to make stupid one like I did.

The Beginning      

It was all started around August 2019, when a friend of mine was suddenly imprisoned, let's just call him K. Actually, I don’t really have a very close relationship with him, although I interact with him quite often in one of my communities besides parkour. So, I was extremely shocked when hearing the news, how could he end up in jail, as far as I know, he doesn’t have any bad reputations.

It turned out the reason he got imprisoned was because he was framed by a corrupt police officer who disguised himself as a woman on dating app that K often played. In short, the “woman” offered a synthetic marijuana to K, then he was interested in buying it, and they made an appointment to meet up somewhere. When K was at the dealing place, instead of the woman in the dating app, it turned out that several police officers appeared to catch him illegally as if K owns marijuana. Just info, up to this day marijuana is still illegal in Indonesia.

Later K was forced to admit that the marijuana was his, and he was immediately led to the police station for interrogation. These corrupt police officers demanded ransom money from K’s family hundreds of millions Rupiah (more than USD 7,000) unless K wouldn’t be released. Of course K’s family couldn't afford it, because at the same time K's mother was also in the middle of treatment process of her stroke disease, which definitely cost a lot of money. As a result, K was immediately sentenced to 2 years in prison without trial at Medaeng Penitentiary in Sidoarjo.

Not long after the incident, K contacted me to borrow around Rp 200,000 - Rp 300,000 (±USD 13 - USD 20). Because I felt sympathy with him, I immediately lent him the money, yet he promised to pay off the debt when already free in the future.

Months passed, until the end of 2019 there was no more news from him. For a moment I forgot about this incident. I lived my daily life normally.

 

2020      

One day around February/March 2020, I suddenly received a call from an unknown number. When I picked it up, it turned out to be K. Then he begged me so badly to borrow another Rp 100,000 or maybe Rp 150,000 (±USD 7 - USD 10), I forgot the exact amount. Again out of pity, I just believed his aliby, with his promise to paid off soon after he was free. He also quibbled that he had recorded every debt transaction.

And, as we all know, during that time, the corona outbreak was at its peak throughout the world, including Surabaya. Just info, since mid-March 2020, many of my job projects as a videographer assistant had been canceled, so that it automatically made my income dropped significantly. I had also to be extra thrifty in life, while doing freelance side jobs.

Until May/early June 2020, K borrowed money one or two more times with nominal range around Rp 50,000 - Rp 70,000 (±USD 3 - USD 5). Until that time, K's debt to me was still below Rp 500,000 (±USD 34). I still didn’t really care about it and still lived my daily life as usual, of course with paying attention to health protocols in the midst of this covid-19 outbreak.

               

Disaster Began

Around the 3^rd or 4^th week of June, I suddenly received a call from an unknown number that was completely different from the previous number. It turned out that it was K. This time he argued getting the remission from the police, with condition of paying Rp 300,000 or Rp 400,000 (±USD 20 - USD 27) (I forgot the exact amount), so that he would immediately be released on that day. And again, he begged to borrow money from me.

Now here comes my weakness (or perhaps my ignorance). I was too gullible and naive to think that everyone in my social circle must be good people. Okay, maybe my initial intention was good for helping a friend, but my fatal mistake was trusting K’s story blindly without crosschecking the facts. And here’s where the disaster began.

On the day of K's release, after I transferred my lend money around midday, he immediately made an appointment to meet at Royal Plaza in the evening. I thought everything would be finished on that day, we met, he returned my money, we could continue our own life, then it’s done. But after ±4 hours waiting, he neither showed up nor gave news to me. He didn’t even respond my chat/calls until the mall was closed. The next morning he just texted me to apologize, he said his mother had just passed away in the hospital last night due to her stroke, so that since the previous evening he couldn’t even check his phone. Actually, until then I didn't know whether the incident was real or just a made up story from K.

At this point, I (stupidly) still believed to K and still lent him money for his mother’s funeral. Yeah, I must admit that I find myself too hard to say no, that’s one of my greatest weakness. Especially if I see other people in trouble, I try to help them as much as I can. On one hand, indeed it’s good, because since my childhood I was taught to have empathy. But on the other hand this could also backfire to me, because it’s so vulnerable to be exploited by bad people. And that's what finally happened recently. Helping K is like a person raising a poisonous snake since it hatches from the egg, caring and feeding it until the snake becomes adult, then at one point ironically the snake preys back its master.

               

Being Trapped

2-3 days after (the scenario?) of his mother's death, K suddenly contacted me again telling me that this time his father also died due to acute gastritis. Again, he begged to borrow my money for the cost of his father's funeral (is this true? I don’t know). He promised he would pay off all his debt from the sale of his car as the last asset of his family.

If a person still had “normal mind”, he/she should be suspicious about these kinds of stories. I should have been stopped helping K, and even I lost my money at this point, it's still not that much. Just info, K's debt to me by the end of June had increased around Rp 3,000,000 - Rp 4,000,000 (±USD 203 - USD 270). But, again I acted (more and more) stupid by still trusting K’s scenario, because my mind was already controlled by emotions (or more precisely 'misplaced empathy').

I thought that as soon as K’s car was sold, he would immediately transferred my money back, and then, everything’s done (or at least he could give in cash). But, it turned out a new problem emerged. According to his story, the car buyer took issue with the letters (or certain technical matters) from the car, until he finally reported K to the police. Long story short, after several mediations, the car was indeed successfully sold, but the police detained the sale money. In other words, for the second time K had to deal with the police. And if dealing with Indonesian police (of course not all of them), it means... spending more money.

If I were the police, in order to come up with a win-win solution, just take some percentage from the car’s money, release K, then the problem will be over. However, this wasn’t the case, instead the problem grew and grew bigger like a snowball effect. On the excuse of being “evidence”, the police officer said the “evidence” must remain intact and not tampered with.

Can you guess what happened next? Yes, again K with his usual pitying begging style borrowed money from me to pay the ransom. And this time the corrupt police officer also chatted me in WhatsApp. In a nutshell, he asked some money from me (above Rp 1,500,000/±USD 100) as a ransom for K's release, and he insisted me to transfer the money before a certain time limit. If only I hadn’t been controlled by fear/panic, I should have been able to immediately check the WhatsApp number through Get Contact/True Caller application, whether it was a real reputable police officer number, or was it just a random person who disguised as a fake cop with fake number.

But, again I took the wrong step by still following K’s scenario, even it got worse and worse. Because I almost ran out of money, as a result I started borrowing money from friends and family. Up to that point, I was still thinking naively that K would return my money in a matter of days, so that I could pay off my debt to friends and family as soon as possible. And it turned out to be the biggest blunder I had ever made in my life. Just so you know, in early July 2020, I had loaned my money to K up to ±Rp 15,000,000 (±USD 1,000)!!

               

Being Warned

My second mistake was: I didn’t tell anyone about this problem earlier. Yes, I do admit that I’m quite an introvert person. I don't really like being exposed/become the center of attention, and I prefer to keep my problems alone, because I don't feel like bothering other people’s matters. However, for this case, I should have confided someone earlier so that the problem would have been solved quickly, and all these unnecessary disaster wouldn’t have happened.

My business partner was ultimately suspicious about my behavior in the last 2-3 weeks. At first I tried to hide this problem from him because I was too hesitate/reluctant to open up, but he insisted me to tell him everything because he knew something was wrong. As could be predicted, in the end he was furious at me for my stupid act. On that day, he forced me to block all WhatsApp numbers that had anything to do with K, and gave up my ±Rp 15,000,000/±USD 1,000; then move on with a new life.

               

Terror

For several days, no more new numbers contacted me. For a moment, the situation gradually returned to normal. However, around mid-July, suddenly an unknown number chatted me, claiming to be K's younger female cousin, let's call her Z.

Z admitted that she would fight for returning my money. According to her story, K was finally released by this corrupt police regarding his second case, and then was transferred to Borneo island by his uncle afterwards. So, everything related to K's debts from that day onwards was handled by Z. At that time, at least I should have reported it to my business partner so that he could help me make the right decisions without being rash, and also investigate whether Z is real, or is she just a 'fictional character' created by K so that he could manipulate me again. Because at that point I could no longer sure what story was real and what story was just fabricated, everything seemed so convincing.

But, I (stupidly) was still stubborn by still communicating secretly with Z without my business partner's knowing. I still believed blindly to Z's story as if I didn't learn from the previous incident. Her first scenario was telling me that the sale money from K’s car (which was worth ±Rp 89,500,000/±USD 6,000) would be put into a new bank account. However, in order to activate the account, there should be at least one transaction to it with minimum amount Rp 500,000 (±USD 34). Frantically and desperately, again I transferred the requested money to her. I still thought naively, once the account had been activated, then all of K's debt plus the Rp 500,000/±USD 34 would immediately be transferred back to me, so that I could also pay off all my debts to family and friends on that very day, then everything’s done.

It turned out that I was completely wrong, as soon as the problem with the bank was over, a new one arose. The car’s sale money became a dispute between K's family. In short, many of his relatives asked for a percentage of the money. In the end, one of K's uncle finally confiscated Z’s ATM card and her m-banking account. From there the problem got worse and worse again.

The person who claimed to be K’s uncle, let's call him X, immediately chatted my WhatsApp. This time he asked my money by threats, totally different approach compared to K’s “begging style”. He said he would only return my money if I transferred him first a certain amount of one, if I refused, then he would took this case into legal action. At that point, I had been a little bit “awakened” (or rather skeptical), even though not 100% yet. How come could I be brought into legal? On what basis? Why am I, the one who helped K by lending him money, was even accused of something absurd? This doesn't make any sense. After all, if I were X and already had the car’s money in hand, then I would just take percentage of what I want, then transferred back the debt money, is it that simple right?

Unfortunately, not. It seems all of them are indeed a very toxic family, who only value everything with money without having empathy. X kept insisting me to transfer him some amount of money for various made up and fabricated reasons, with the lure of returning my money immediately if his request was fulfilled. Realizing these dangerous threats, I immediately blocked X’s WhatsApp number, and the next communication continued with Z. Up to that point, I was quite successful due to my firm stance.

After a few days, there was another unknown number contacted me. This time he claimed to be a notary, let's call him N. He said that all of K’s debt money to me was in a bag, in cash. However, according to N, X had made a formal letter of agreement through his notary agency. The agreement told that I had to transfer Rp 2,000,000 (±USD 135) to X within a certain time limit, only then would K's debt to me be given in cash. If I refused this offer, he would immediately send an arrest warrant to my address, and then N also said that his notary agency had collaborated with East Java Regional Police in handling cases of legal disputes.

Hearing the threat, the more I got panic at that time. But I was stupidly still stubborn not to tell my business partner about this terror, so that I made another fatal blunder: I borrow money again from others, especially from East Java Parkour friends, assuming the money would be returned that very day, or at the latest in a day or two. I was already stressed and couldn't think anymore, I just wanted to end this and lived my life normally as usual. However, they seemed not letting me live in peace, various terror and intimidation kept coming into my WhatsApp from different numbers. Even later Z also blackmailed me to transfer her Rp 700,000 (±USD 47) as a compensation for her “hard work” in order to help returning my money (bullshit). If I refuse this, I would be sued into legal action. Frantically and full of fear, again I stupidly borrowed money to another friend, and suddenly my lending money to K had reached ±Rp 25,000,000 (±USD 1,700)!! I was really fucked up..

Sooner or later, my business partner finally knew that I kept transferring money and communicating with these people behind his back. So that night he became so enrage and furious with me. I became more and more stressed by this worsening situation, plus the tremendous guilt towards my business partner, my other friends, and family whose money I borrowed. My business partner finally reported this incident to my parents who live out of town, because indeed I admit that my actions had gone too far and crossed the line.

               

                Stress and Depression                

Finally the worst thing happened, both of my parents were furious with me on the phone that night. I should willingly accept any invective, curses, wrath, and harsh words from them. It was arguably one of the worst night in my life. I was at the lowest of the lowest point at that time. All of my good reputations that I’d built up so far had fallen apart due to my stupid actions during the previous 1-2 months. I could only contemplate and regret the foolishness that I’d done.

For the second time in my life, I had another thought of committing suicide. Just info, the first time I experienced this self-harming thought was around 2010-2011, when I failed miserably in my study and romance. This time, the suicide thought came back to haunt me with a greater degree. I just really felt useless that night… what’s the point of living if I just become parasite for others, I’m just a disgraceful man, I could only defame my family, etc.

Realizing how depressed I was, my business partner immediately took precautionary measures by confiscating my phone, ATM card, and motorbike keys for a while. Then I had to stay away temporarily from all social media. I also stayed under his control and supervision in order to prevent unwanted things happened. And one more thing, I wasn’t allowed to train parkour before all of my debts were paid off. My business partner finally reported this case to an acquaintance who turned out to be a police officer. All of WhatsApp numbers, chat and transactions records, and also the culprit’s bank accounts; had been reported. I honestly didn't know whether this case was masterminded by K alone, where he disguised himself as Z, X, N, and other people to blackmail me; or… whether K, Z, X, N, were indeed really different people, but had conspired together in a money fraud syndicates. It’s totally beyond of my control, better leave this case to the authorities, because I'm sick of thinking about it again.

               

             Recovery Process      

     

During the first month since my parents' anger over the phone, my mind was completely messed up. Sometimes I experienced nightmares during my sleep, and almost every day I was haunted by guilt towards everyone I borrowed money from. There was a “fierce battle” inside my head between suicidal thoughts vs positive thoughts. Maybe this seems like trivial matter to others, but indeed it ain’t as easy as the theory or motivational quotes. It felt like an inner demon/monster appeared inside my head possessing my common sense, then suddenly there was a strong desire to hurt myself. If I hadn’t been able to control it, I could have killed myself.

Fortunately, during this hard time my business partner temporarily helped overseeing and controlling my life. At least his motivation kept me sane to not doing self-harming, and also he incessantly encouraged me to rise up again. Slowly but surely, my mental state started to recover, and I tried to re-earn money little by little so that I could pay off my debts to all of my friends and family.

 

          Debt Settlement         

Four months living in extreme guilt was absolutely not a pleasant thing. Not to mention that I had to go through social media "suspension" with no contact with anyone (except my parents and work-related clients). It feels like losing half of my life, or for Harry Potter series fans, it’s almost like being given a Dementor kiss. All I could do during this period (apart from work matters) was just reflect and evaluate myself, what lessons could be learned from this incident.

As the saying goes, there will be sunshine after the rain. Finally, the day that I’d been waited so long had come on 4^th December 2020. As a client of mine transferred some payment, then all of my debts were officially 100% paid off. Imagine how relieved my feeling is now, plus I can use again my social media as before. And one more thing, in order to "throw away my bad luck", I decided to change my phone number/WhatsApp so that K and his accomplices couldn’t contact me anymore in the future.

By the way, what about the continuation of K’s police report? Unfortunately, the latest news I received was ‘still under investigation’ to this day. Indeed, K's status has become ‘wanted list’, but I’d better not expect too much about this. It’ll be better if I use my time and energy to do other important things, especially in terms of work so that my financial status can be restored to normal.

               

Closing

For those who read this, I just advise you to be extremely careful about lending and borrowing money, don't easily trust other people who aren't too close, whoever he/she is. You can empathize, but still have to be vigilant, especially during this pandemic time, when many people use illegal methods to earn money.

Indeed, there isn’t always good things happen to us in life. Sometimes bad experiences can be valuable lessons that mature someone. However, 2020 is a fucking cursed year for me, it feels like a nightmare that I’d like to forget immediately. I could only take lessons from this incident so that it won’t happen anymore in the future.

This is K, the person who nearly ruined my life. We used to be friends in a community, but since this tragedy, he has become my number one enemy.